To the God of small things....

Like you know from the past, my weblog is a place where I vent my frustration about the things that don’t matter in life, so as to steal focus from the ones that do ;) So here’s to more whining about the little things in life…

Where in the whole wide world was Max Kellerman?

Why didn’t I know of Max Kellerman’s existence until a few months back?
I was watching the great Max make a case for seat-belt breathalyzers in Volvos and I got to wondering: here’s a guy that’s quick-witted, intelligent, articulate and ---not that I care, but you’ve got to be blind not to notice--- incredibly good looking and yet I hadn’t even heard of him like a few months back. Not to sound pompous, but there are very few newscasters or talk show hosts in America that I haven’t heard or at least heard about. Why do we keep seeing dumb, boring liberals like Alan Colmes and Paul Begala, while the Max Kellermans of the world are hiding behind a boxing glove, quite literally? And then we complain that there are no enterprising liberals out there. On second thoughts, is he liberal? Actually I don’t care, as long as he comes and flaunts his wit and airs his views (or the devil’s as the case may be) and puts the equally lovable Tucker to shame every night :)

To hell with sauces and dressings

Before I landed in this country my greatest fear was that Americans didn’t believe in condiments, and now my greatest fear is that they do!
Tucker Carlson said recently that Fries don’t need ketchup or even salt to be divine…… And I agree (as I do with most of his statements). Americans are such ardent “consumers” that they need to keep adding things to things to make them more attractive. My advice to them: DON’T!
To the food industry --- things I don’t particularly care for:
-- nuts (or strawberries or peanut butter or pretzels, for crying out loud) peeping out ominously from otherwise unadulterated, melt-in-your-mouth, divine chocolate
-- barbecue sauce de-sanctifying the orgasmic effect only medium rare steak can provide
-- marinara soaking EVERYting that dares to be Italian (memo: other than spicy Indian food, tomatoes belong only in salads, so let them just snuggle with the lettuce where they feel at home)


We don’t want fillers!

What’s with these people filling in? I watch Countdown with “Keith Olbermann” for Keith Olbermann! And Meet the Press for Tim Russert. I don’t care for Amy Robach or David Gregory. I know you’re trying to carve a place for yourself in the big league, but showing how NOT to be big league is not the way to do it! And by the way, the program is called the “O’Reilly” Factor for a reason, namely, noone else can claim the title of pompous, self-possessed, know-it-all right winger. It’s not like Dave Barry is asking people to write his columns for him or Bill Maher is employing someone to make us laugh during his summer hiatus. If you’re on vacation, I don’t particularly want to see your show! If you spent some time in front of the screen instead of behind it, you’d know that all news shows talk about the same thing, so I am obviously watching your show cos you are saying it, not cos of what you are saying .. Bottomline: In the singular case that Max Kellerman is filling in for Tucker Carlson, I’ll just wait for you to get back from your vacation, thank you.

If doomsday’s here, we don’t need warnings…

Reminiscent of the US Dept of Homeland Security, Nature’s been raising the threat level --- yellow, orange, red…and the hits just keep on coming. First there was the heat wave in Europe, then the huge tsunami in Asia, the zillion hurricanes in the US and Central America and then of course tornadoes, famines, and wildfires galore. If doomsday is here, whoever is controlling it should just go ahead and blow up the earth, big bang style. Not sit there and give us these innuendoes and hints that keep telling ya, “bring out the hurricane shutters”, “board up the windows“, “don’t venture too close to the sea”, “wear SPF 45 and stay indoors”. If you can’t cope, jus blow up… It wouldn’t be the worst thing for the world, ya know…

India’s kickin’ ass

Don’t get me wrong… though I wouldn’t call myself particularly patriotic (in fact too many Indians would pounce on me if I even tried) I can’t help but feel a certain surge of delight when I see all this focus on our motherland :) In fact, I think most of my criticism of India stems from the fact that I see the Gurcharan Dases and the Vir Sanghvis and I wonder why we bother with the Lalu Yadavs and Mayawatis..Anyway, enough about that – this post is supposed to be about petty things. Now, India’s really making waves! Business Week had this huge double issue asking if India and China were the new world economies; and now, Nature has come up with a review that discusses the great strides in biotechnology in India. *beaming*
Now you’re wondering what my problem is. This: My folks back home have one of those fancy CDMA phones that connects to the pc and acts as a modem ….I live in the richest country in the world and I barely have a phone that can be trusted to record voicemails. And that’s not all: the last time I was in India I waited a couple hours for the google home page to load (google---which is a universal verb now---you cant wait two hours for a verb to happen [think breathe, eat, sleep]). I don’t know if you are as inherently discerning as I am, but it seems like technology is playing a game with me. Not to mention religion. It’s stalking me. I escaped from six years of the BJP and fled to the US – only to have Dubya elected to a second term. I leave India and the Congress promptly – and surprisingly -- rises to the occasion. Why do I miss out on the MM Singhs and Bill Clintons and end up with the W Bushes and Vajpayees of the world :(