I walk a lonely road...

I spent most of Saturday curled up on the recliner and huddled under the comforter, the television casting the only beams of light in the dreary apartment on this bleak and sunless autumn day. Finally, at 8 in the evening, I walked the couple miles to Borders, hunched under the umbrella, leather coat pulled full-circle, scarf wrapped tightly around my neck and Greenday’s Blvd. of Broken dreams playing on my iPod...

After a pretty satisfying week of cheerful “how are you”s and engaging conversations with co-workers and salesmen alike, listening to the boss wax eloquent about far-off, fantastical Ireland at a really happy happy-hour, a giggly three hours spent at the monthly “girls’ night” talking about all and sundry, watching fascinating monologues on teen punk rock hopefuls at the free night of theater, exploring the restaurant scene with fellow food-lovers at the cheese-steak capital, this solitary walk on a cold and rainy October night was the only one that made complete sense to me....

I passed couples huddling together for warmth, families engaged in animated chatter, roommates getting back from grocery shopping with over-stuffed bags and singles walking toward a purposeful destination that probably promised love or comfort or both... And I wondered if despite families that love us so dearly from across the miles, friends that stick by us through thick and thin and life-partners that would die for us, if there is ever a moment when we are not completely alone in this world....

Some may tolerate the many idiosyncrasies that make me, a few may like some of them, and a couple may even admire a few, but at any given point in time does anyone ever understand?

Do they ever completely comprehend what makes me stick with Science despite my consistent battle of the micropipette with the pen, my relentless, albeit, unsuccessful attempt to strive to be as good as the men, my insurmountable fear of flying roaches, my urge to constantly reflect to the world the darker side of my character, my teeth-gritting, fist-clenching impatience at delayed greens and slow drivers, my absolute intolerance of the baselessness and impracticality of religion, my need to love passionately and hate intensely, my inexplicable fascination with the English language and my painstaking insistence on rolling the Rs and softening the Ts, my undying love for the heretically incorrigible outlaws of the world, my annoyance with people that don’t hit the 'door-close' button on the elevator and stand blocking it so noone else can, my total helplessness at orienting myself be it in a building or amid the mountains, my absolute refusal to spend five bucks on a much-needed cab made more complicated by the ease with which I would shell out the same for a Starbucks coffee, my Friends-Maher-Federer antidote for every little or big problem in life and finally, my need to walk two miles in the pouring rain and sit in a people-filled Borders café to write a piece on solitude....

I do walk a lonely road....

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...